heritance:

Never fuck with someone who cries when they’re mad. They’ll stab you 48 times and cry in your stab wounds.

wwolfparty:

when you really hate the fuck out of someone but you cant say shit because everyone else loves them and you know deep down in your cold dead heart that they’re a terrible person

image

ammit420:

horror movie synopsis

  • white family moves into house
  • the house got some shit in it
  • family refuses to acknowledge that they got some shit in they house
  • turns out that shit is some ultrashit
like
like
andrewbelami:

prasejeebus:

These jokes are getting out of hand

goodbye
like
saxifraga-x-urbium:

malformalady:

A son went into a rarely-used bedroom in his mother’s home and discovered thousands of wasps had made a giant nest in a bed. An estimated 5,000 wasps had created a nest by chewing through bedding, including a blanket and pillow. Pest-control expert John Birkett was called to tackle with the mound of wasps inside the mattress at the five-bedroom home in Winchester, Hampshire.

theannieplanet:

do you think taylor lautner has war-like flash backs of shark boy and lava girl

rememberrbuckybarnes:

tauriel2fab4u:

tauriel2fab4u:

IM MAKING A PIE AND I ACCIDENTALLY PUT IODINE IN IT INSTEAD OF VANILLA EXTRACT

I ALMOST FED THIS PIE TO MY FAMILY
I WAS GOING TO FEED THIS PIE TO MY CLASSMATES

I WAS ABOUT TO MURDER PEOPLE THROUGH PIE

LIKE LOOK AT THIS FUCKING PIE

image

DOESNT IT LOOK NICE

DONT YOU WANT TO EAT IT

TOO FUCKING BAD ITS POISONOUS YOU’LL DIE

HOW DO YOU MIX UP IODINE AND VANILLA EXTRACT

WHY DO YOU HAVE IODINE IN THE KITCHEN

WHY DO YOU HAVE IT AT ALL

WHY

brttny32194:

but why do i say “i know” to my pets when they make noises. im lying to them. i don’t know anything.